Highs never last

Well, my excitement from yesterday went sliding away with every second at the financial aid office. They are willing to give me enough money, but I am not sure we are willing to pay that much back. I am having a hard time with it. I am thinking I should defer my entrance in order to wait on my state school applications. 

The deal is this, I love private college. I went to UMHB my first 2 years of college, and was where I was supposed to be. I consider that place my college experience. Then I went to Texas State and just survived. It was huge, impersonal, and I was just going there to finish. I seriously hated that university. 

Now here we are, and St. Edward's is a beautiful campus I found my way around without a map. It reminds me of my dear UMHB. The classes are so small, the people in the registrar's office are actually NICE for crying out loud. We all know that is just weird. 

I feel it is a better program in general and for me personally. But I not convinced that 50 grand later it will have been worth it. I also have to think about J and our future family too. 

What to do, what to do. I think I may need to at the very least defer entrance until the spring to buy myself some time with my state apps. Sigh. I was so ready to go to the university bookstore and get ahead on some reading before stupid financial aid.