Highs never last

Well, my excitement from yesterday went sliding away with every second at the financial aid office. They are willing to give me enough money, but I am not sure we are willing to pay that much back. I am having a hard time with it. I am thinking I should defer my entrance in order to wait on my state school applications. 

The deal is this, I love private college. I went to UMHB my first 2 years of college, and was where I was supposed to be. I consider that place my college experience. Then I went to Texas State and just survived. It was huge, impersonal, and I was just going there to finish. I seriously hated that university. 

Now here we are, and St. Edward's is a beautiful campus I found my way around without a map. It reminds me of my dear UMHB. The classes are so small, the people in the registrar's office are actually NICE for crying out loud. We all know that is just weird. 

I feel it is a better program in general and for me personally. But I not convinced that 50 grand later it will have been worth it. I also have to think about J and our future family too. 

What to do, what to do. I think I may need to at the very least defer entrance until the spring to buy myself some time with my state apps. Sigh. I was so ready to go to the university bookstore and get ahead on some reading before stupid financial aid. 

Ecstatic

I cannot stop squealing. I finally stopped scrolling down my phone book calling every person I know. I was just accepted to a graduate program here in Austin. It is an unbelievable relief! 

The application called for a personal essay that was the hardest thing I have ever written. The entire time I was writing it, I was doubting myself and the progress I have made as an individual. The other applications were easy. But this essay that was such a large piece of me made me very nervous. It was putting myself out there for rejection in a very big way. 

All is well with the world now. My coffee tables are done, the rose bushes are trimmed, and I am off to talk J into taking me out for lunch to celebrate before we start painting!

Square dreams

I had (what I thought was) the weirdest dream last night. I dreamed my family and I were out in the yard - only it wasn't exactly MY yard because it never is in dreamland. I looked over and my agapanthus were 8 feet tall! My dad was very impressed. They were taller than my rose bushes. Which, as I tried to explain to my husband J, is shocking because the agapanthus are done blooming and my roses are now over 6 feet. J gives me a pitying, disbelieving, amused look and tells me, "that is the squarest dream I have ever heard".It is. And so that is how this blog begins. It is not wildly exciting tales from the other side. It is me and my life as it is. Which is pretty good even if the agapanthus are of average size.